Rascal Flatts
by LadyRach
Summary: Kind of a songfic, but not really. Jack and Sarah story, loosely based on 4 Rascal Flatts songs.
1. love you out loud

Righto. Well, I haven't updated anything in quite a while -- school is getting to be too much for me -- but I have off today because everyone else is taking the PSAT (I love being a senior) and, after listening to the Rascal Flatts CD for about the 4th consecutive time, I realized that a couple of the songs on it, fixed to fit the newsies era and the plot, would make a great fanfic. I can't guarantee that _this_ is a great fanfic, but, hey, I tried, right? So, there will probably be about 4 chapters, each featuring a different Rascal Flatts song, and, um, yeah. That's all. And I promise I'll finish Bells and Wishes soon. Really.

* * *

I stare at her, grinning like an idiot. "You mean it?" I ask, more to hear her repeat it than for any real need of reassurance. 

She blushes and ducks her head to hide the smile that matches mine. Then she looks me right in the eye and says, "Yes, I mean it, yes, I want to be your girl. Yes."

I can't help it, I throw my head back ad laugh from pure joy. I feel like I did last weekend, when I had a little too much to drink at a party in Brooklyn. Like I could do anything, I was king of the world, nothing was going to stop me. I look back down at Sarah, who is smiling up at me, eyes shining, and I realize that I am drunk. Off of her smile, her eyes, the adoring way that she is gazing at me, and the happiness shining in her face.

"I love you, Jack," she whispers as I lean in to kiss her.

OOOOO

As I walk home that night – no, I don't walk. I run, I jump, I leap about; I can't keep still. I am elated, so happy to know that, after all of my worrying about the worst case scenario and all of my daydreams about Sarah and I, my dreams finally won out. I remember how hard it was to tell her; at first because I hadn't wanted to admit to anyone -- not even to myself -- that I had fallen this hard for someone, but once I had, it became a matter of the risk involved. What if she rejected me? I wouldn't even be able to pretend then, couldn't even lose myself in dreams of the two of us together. Despite what everyone thinks of my charm -- and I do have it, I'm not saying I don't -- I'm not as confident as I seem. Sure, I'm great at getting out of trouble, at flirting with girls I've just met, but when it matters, all my words desert me. I've never been able to tell anyone anything like I've just told Sarah, never had anything to tell, but now...now...

I want to tell the world. I look over at a park bench, envisioning myself standing on top of it and screaming out to the multitudes that I love her, and she loves me. I laugh and shake my head – I think I'm still a little bit drunk from the moonshine in her eyes – deciding that yelling from a park bench to anyone who will listen isn't enough. I want to climb the Statue of Liberty, hang a sign from the Empire State Building – even take out an ad – no, the front page – in the newspaper. "True Love," the headline would read. Maybe with a second line underneath it: "Sarah and Jack a Model for all Other Couples," followed by a story all about how wonderful Sarah is, how any guy would be lucky to have her, how she loved me. Me! A poor newsie with nothing going for him, with nothing to offer. She chose me. I say it out loud, unable to believe it otherwise: "Sarah Jacobs loves me."

Hearing it spoken only thrills me more, and I burst into the Lodging House still grinning. "Heya, Jack," Race greets me, before glancing up. When he does, I try to school my face into a less giddy expression – Race doesn't win at poker by luck alone, the boy reads people's faces like the headlines of the _New York Journal_ – but I just can't force my smile away. Sure enough, he picks up on it immediately. "You get lucky or somethin'?"

"Well," I say slowly, pretending to deliberate, "I guess dat all depends on what you mean."

Everyone looks up at this comment, but I just grin (OK, so I was already grinning; I grin wider) and walk into the washroom. When I come back out, the boys are still looking at me expectantly, but before I can even open my mouth, Mush calls innocently from across the room, "Hey, Jack, how's Sarah?" Then he and Blink burst into smothered laughter.

I roll my eyes as the bunkroom erupts into hoots, laughter, and teasing, but I can't help the blush that creeps up my cheeks. "Yeah, how is _Dave's sister_?" Specs shouts over all the noise.

"Don'tcha mean 'my goil'?" I ask as casually as I can, which, admittedly, isn't very casually at all, and the noise level in the bunkroom only increases until Kloppman walks in and starts herding us into bed, muttering about "the neighbors complaining and the police are gonna come in soon, not dat dey don't enough already wit da trouble dese boys get into..."

I climb obligingly into bed, watching everyone else either do the same, give Kloppman a hard time, or, in Specs case, search frantically and blindly for his glasses, not noticing that Dutchy is now wearing two pairs, but all that I can think about is Sarah: how she looked when I asked her to be my girl, the joy in her voice when she agreed, the sweet shyness with which she had agreed to meet me the next day.

There is no way I can sit still; I jump out of bed, grabbing my shoes, and head onto the roof. I look around in the darkness. A drunk is stumbling home, presumably from a bar – he must have started early – and I idly wonder if he'll make it or just spend the night in an alley. A prostitute walks down the street, looking for business. A middle-aged woman with a kerchief wrapped around her head leans out to call in two kids who have just arrived home from work. I look at them, taking it all in, as my happiness builds inside of me. I can't hold it in any longer, so I yell it out, sharing my joy with all of them: "She loves me!"

OOOOO

**Love You Out Loud**

_I have always been a little shy_

_I've always been the quiet type till now  
And I never let my feelings show  
I never let anybody know just how _

_Much I was so deep in love  
But now that you're in my arms  
  
_Chorus_  
I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop  
Baby, scream and shout  
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video  
Baby, leave no doubt  
I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about  
I love to love you out loud  
  
You keep bringing out the free in me  
What you do to my heart just makes me melt  
And I don't think I can resist  
But I've never been one to kiss and tell  
A love this true can't be subdued  
So I'm gonna let out a yell  
  
_Repeat Chorus_  
  
Baby, I want the whole world to see  
Just how good your love looks on me  
  
_Repeat Chorus_  
  
Baby, I love to love you out loud  
Yeah, I love to love you out loud_


	2. too good is true

Well, folks, it's a lot easier to write fics when you already have a plot set up for you (and when you're intent on procrastinating). Look at me, popping 2 out in 2 days, with half of the third chapter already written. If only I could update Bells and Wishes like that!

* * *

I hold her hand under the table at Tibby's as we talk and laugh with everyone. I am amazed at how comfortable I feel with her. We've only been together officially for a week now, and already I feel like I can tell her anything, like I can be myself with her. The boys accepted her immediately as part of my life, so I bring her around to Tibby's and parties a lot more often. Which mean that I can be with her even more.

Mush makes some comment about kids playing down in Central Park, and Sarah glances toward me briefly, not quite catching my eye. I smile, knowing that she, too, is remembering our walk through Central Park, when we watched those same kids and joked about having our own. Her voice echoes in my mind: "Oh, I want loads of kids. I want to fill the house to the rafters! Maybe," she had said, looking at me, "I'll be raising them on a ranch in Santa Fe, and they can spill out onto the fields and acres of land."

I shake my head in amazement at the way we connect. It's as though I can read her thoughts from her face and movements, and she feels the same way. I know because she told me. And we share so many opinions, so many hopes and dreams. We both want to get out of the city, somewhere where you can really breathe. We both want to have loads of kids and live a simple life, growing old with the one we love. And, well, why can't my love be Sarah? It just fits.

OOOOO

"Six months, huh?" I say incredulously, half because I can't believe we've been together that long, half because it seems we've been together longer, like we've always been this way.

"It seems like it's been longer than that," Sarah smiles, echoing my thoughts, "I can't remember before we were together." She looks down at her hand, twisting the simple ring I've given her as an anniversary present. It's not much, just a little silver band with a small stone in the middle – probably glass – but it's hers from me, and I couldn't be prouder to see it on her finger.

I open the door for her, marveling at the good manners she seems to have produced in me, and we walk out of the Italian restaurant where we've just had our "special dinner;" meals here cost a couple of pennies more than at Tibby's, and it's a bit nicer, as it's not full of rowdy newsies.

Sarah catches sight of my face before I can hide my bitterness, and quickly asks, "What's wrong, Jack?"

Sighing, I reply, "It's jus'...you deserve better dan dis, y'know?" I wave my hand at the restaurant and the ring, "You deserve jewels. Real jewels, not glass. And someone who can give you fancy dinners at nice restaurants without havin' to worry 'bout eatin' da next day."

"But I don't want any of that, Jack. Remember?" she admonishes gently, "I want a simple life, just me, surrounded by kids and the man I love."

"Sarah, I can't even – can I even give you that?" I ask desperately. "I been workin' a long time, I still don't got enough money to go West, not to mention buy some land o' my own. I'll probably work for years for odder people before I ever get da chance to own a ranch."

She stopped and looked at me seriously, "Jack Kelly, do you think I'm not willing to work for my dream? I'm strong, too; my life hasn't exactly been handed to me on a silver platter. I work every day to help keep food on my family's table, sometimes I'm so tired and worried that I can't sleep for wondering how the rent's gonna get paid. And you think that I can't wait and work my way up with my husband for my dream, _our _dream?"

I stare at her, then smile in admiration, "Sarah, you are amazing."

I hold my arm out and she slips under it. "I know," she sighs contentedly, laughing a little. And I look at her and I love her. I love her for who she is and for what she makes me. Because, like it or not – and I'm pretty sure that I like it – she's changed me. She makes me want to be better, to be everything that she wants and deserves.

Eventually, we have to leave, but I linger on her doorstep as long as I can, holding her hand, brushing her hair away from her face, giving her one last kiss before walking home alone, my thoughts full of her.

OOOOO

**Too Good is True**

_I guess it's cause and effect  
Your heart and mine  
The way that we connect  
Keeps blowing my mind  
There you go again  
It never ends  
What you do to me  
  
_chorus

_That I have seen the light of day  
Love is finally going my way  
Is it too good to be true  
Give me one more kiss  
One more touch  
Baby, I just can't get enough of you  
This time, too good is true  
  
All of a sudden  
I'm not who I used to be  
I had my heart locked  
But you held the key  
And you find a way, everyday  
To show me even more  
  
_repeat chorus_  
  
Some people say we're too good to be true  
But they don't get to be loved by you  
  
_repeat chorus_  
  
Oh, this time, too good is true  
Yeah it is, yeah_

* * *

**koodles:** Wow, that was some quick reviewing there! I'm actually not a huge Jack and Sarah fan either, but it was easier to write a couple who was already together, and since they're the only couple in the movie...Don't worry, though, it won't be _too_ much longer. (Hint, Hint) 


	3. my worst fear

Guess what I just found out? As a Christmas present, the girls in my family are going to NYC! ((collective shriek)) Time to celebrate, time to celebrate. And, in a truly celebratory mood, I have written the next chapter of my Rascal Flatts fic. It's so easy to update! I love that!

* * *

How long has it been? A little over a year, I guess. It still seems like we've been together forever, but now, instead of bringing comfort, that thought makes me feel trapped. Your little quirks aren't so endearing anymore, and I live in constant fear of the connection we once had; what if you read my emotions of my face? I don't want you to find out like that; I still love you, even if I'm not_ in_ love with you anymore.

We still talk about leaving the city, raising a family – our beautiful shared dreams. I can't bear to tell you that you no longer have a part in mine.

We've fallen asleep on the roof of your apartment, as we often do after I have dinner at your place. I remember when I used to stay awake long after you, staring at you and marveling at the fact that you were in my arms. Now, I look at you and I feel – nothing. Or, at least, nothing like I used to. There is still tenderness and love that I'm sure will never leave, but now it's as though I'm gazing protectively at a sister. I love you the way David does, and, while that is plenty of love, it is not enough for marriage, for a lifetime together.

I close my eyes as you stir against me; it looks like you're waking, and I don't feel much like talking.

You pull slightly away from me, and I can feel your eyes on me for a long moment before you start to speak. You talk to me about your devotion; broken whispers convey your ardent love to my sleeping form. My heart aches as I understand the sincerity in your murmured "I love you," and the kiss you give me, and I realize just how much it's going to hurt you when I tell you my decision.

Meanwhile, though, I have to keep up the pretense, so I act like I'm just waking up, smiling blearily down at you, and say, "It's getting late, Sarah; maybe we'd better go."

You nod, and we stand together. I walk you down the fire escape to your bedroom, you watch me out the window as I walk home alone. It's just like the end of our first date, only this time I'm walking with a much heavier heart. Because I'm leaving. You've just shown me the one reason I have to stay – you – and, though I care for you more than I think that even I know, I can't stay here for any reason, not even you. I need to get out. I'm getting desperate. I need the freedom that Santa Fe promises, as well as a freedom of a different sort. I already know what I'm going to tell you. I've been practicing ever since I made my decision: "I've been wrestling with this decision for weeks now; I know that I'm not going to find a woman like you easily, especially not out West where women are rare. But that's my plan. I'm ready to go out West, expand my horizons, start working for my dream. I wish I could bring you along, but I can't. You're not a part of that dream anymore. I wish you all the best, though, and I hope your dreams come true."

Despite all of my plans and reassurances, the last thing that I see before I fall asleep is the image of your crestfallen face as I tell you I'm leaving, and the hopeless, helpless motions of your hands trying to piece together crushed dreams.

OOOOO

The next morning I wake up, determined that today will be the day that I tell Sarah I'm not in love with her anymore. With any luck, I'll be on a train next week bound out West. I've got it all planned out: with the money I save from not taking Sarah out, I'll have plenty once I hit Santa Fe, or wherever I end up. I grin, liking the idea of traveling where the mood takes me, and I immediately give up my vague ideas of Santa Fe for the broader category of "out West." Anyway, I'll give myself a week to tie up loose ends out here, tell the boys goodbye, and then it's horses and cattle ranches for me.

I set out early in the morning to the Distribution Office, planning to buy only fifty of my usual hundred papes. I'm hesitant to go to the Jacobs' when I see that David and Les aren't selling today; what if something is going on? I shake the feeling off, though. I can't start making excuses now, or I'll never get out of here.

The event has had an effect on me nevertheless, and my confident feelings of the morning are replaced by a vague nervousness and heavy feeling that are only enhanced by the troubled look on David's face when he opens the door. I try to peer past him to see Sarah, but he steps outside, closing the door behind him.

"Dave –" I start, but he cuts me off.

"Um, Jack," I wonder why he won't meet my eyes, "Sarah, she's – well, she's –" he finally looks up at me, desperately, and I wait impatiently for him to continue. "She's gone, Jack," he finishes bluntly. I stare at him blankly. "Not – not dead or anything," he assures me hurriedly, with a nervous laugh. Just – gone. She left a note, though, and – why don't you just come inside?"

I follow him inside numbly, wondering in the back of my mind if this is all a joke. I'm sure it is. Any minute now, Sarah will come out of her bedroom, admonishing David for scaring me like that. Then she'll hug me, and – and I'll tell her that I'm leaving, right? Suddenly I'm not so sure, and David is shoving a piece of paper with my hands, and only the fact that I recognize her handwriting brings me back to reality. It's a long letter, but I only comprehend parts of it.

_Dear Jack,_

_By the time you read this, I will be far away. I am so sorry for hurting you this way – I know that you truly do care for me – but I can't live like this anymore. I can't stay in this town any longer. I'm ready to fulfill my dreams, my plans. I want to move away from here and start a family where the air is clear._

My eyes scanned down until I saw a man's name: Richard. I centered in on it.

_--Richard. I never cheated on you, I swear it, but I had already begun having doubts about our relationship when I met him two months ago. I loved you – still do, and always will, but I don't feel like we have the same beautiful connection that we once did. And, well, call me cold, but I want a family. I'm ready for one, and it doesn't seem like you are. On such a huge issue, a couple should be in agreement, and we were, in theory, but I know you, Jack, and you're still a little boy at heart..._

She went on, explaining her reasons for leaving me. Somewhere in the numbness I felt a stab of bitter amusement at the fact that, despite both of our avowals that we had gone different ways, so many of our reasons for leaving were the same. I skipped to the end.

_I will always love you, just as I know you will always love me. I wish you the best, and I hope that you find Santa Fe._

_Love,_

_Sarah_

That was it, then. I reread the letter quickly, then look up at David, who is staring worriedly at me. "Jack –" he begins, but I shake my head.

"I have to go," I mutter, crumpling the paper in my fist, then shoving in my pocket as I walked out the door.

I stop when I reach the street. I laugh dryly and without humor at the irony of the situation. Here I was, all self-righteous, going to tell Sarah in what I saw now was a most condescending fashion that I no longer loved her, and she beat me to the punch. My laughter increases in pitch and hysteria as I realize that I had felt terrible about the misery that I would be inflicting on her, so sure was I of her undying love and blind adoration.

I sit down on a nearby crate, forcing myself to calm down before I start crying or something equally embarrassing. Suddenly, my whole body seems clenched by a sickening, icy fist. I break out in a cold sweat as I finally understand the most important aspect of what I had thought was a mature, necessary, and well-thought-out decision: I didn't mean a word of it. I thought I did, I was convinced that it would never work between us, but, if that were true, I should be feeling relief right now. After all, the end result is what I wanted, and I didn't even have to hurt Sarah on my way to attaining freedom. I realize now that, in the back of my mind, I thought I would break it off with her, suffer through her tears and gentle acknowledgements that I was right, then, eventually, we would get back together and live exactly as we had once planned.

I stand up again and walk as quickly as I can without actually running, trying to distract myself from the thought that this is no longer an option. She's gone. Bits of her letter come back to mock me as I walk.

_By the time you finish reading this, I will be far away..._ She's gone.

_Richard..._ Sarah's gone West with Richard. Who ever heard of a cowboy named Richard?

_Don't have the same connection..._

_You're still a little boy..._ What made me think I was so wonderful that she couldn't bear to lose me?

_You will always love me..._

And I know that's true, I know it now, but it's a curse when it could have been a blessing, such a wonderful blessing, if I had only seen ii sooner, if I had only accepted Sarah when I had the chance.

I finally reach the Lodging House, slamming upstairs past a surprised Kloppman, and collapse on my bed, dry eyes wide, to read the letter again...and again...and again.

OOOOO

**"My Worst Fear"**  
  
_Last night you gave me a kiss  
You didn't know it, but I was awake when you did  
You were quiet, you were gonna let me sleep  
So I just laid there pretending to be  
You said some things you didn't know I could hear  
And the words "I love you" never sounded so sincere  
  
_Chorus_  
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving  
Now that I know just how much you care  
You finally gave me one good reason not to go  
But staying here is my worst fear  
  
This morning I rolled out of bed  
Recalling all the sweet things you said  
This was the day I was gonna hurt you bad  
Called out your name, but you didn't answer back  
I searched the house to find out what was wrong  
Like a ton of bricks, it hit me you were gone  
  
_Repeat Chorus_  
  
All along I knew that there was something missing  
And only one thing left to do  
I had to leave behind this life that we'd been living  
But the only thing that left was you  
  
_Second Chorus_  
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving  
Now that I know just how much you care  
You finally gave me one good reason not to go  
But being alone is my worst fear  
And staying here is my worst fear_

* * *

**koodles:** Here's a quick update in response to a quick review. P-) (Blink smile--isn't that cool, I stole it from someone else but I can't remember who).

Anyway, I've separated them, but I guess it's not much help, since he still insists on liking her. I tried to talk him out of it, but he's so stubborn and whiny.

ME: Jack, why don't you just forget about her. There's plenty of girls out there who would love to be with you ((VERY BROAD HINT)).

JACK: Waaaah!!

Arrgh! He's so difficult!

**queen of ny:** No one seems to like Jack/Sarah very much. I guess that's because Sarah-in-the-movie has no personality whatsoever. You know that part in the trailers (why, yes, I have watched the trailers on my DVD countless times after the movie) when Sarah says, "You have to fight them"? Why is that part not in the movie? I want to see Sarah have a little character!


End file.
